courtesy : OnlineDatingMagazine.com
Poop.
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Comets.
All are beautiful, but they are cold as ice.
Computers.
Everything is stored in long-term memory for easy retrieval later on.
Cats.
They are cuddly and playful, but watch out when their claws come out!
Parrots.
They love to repeat things.
A game of Scrabble.
Their vocabulary is endless and always in play.
Christmas Trees.
The more gifts they have, the merrier they become.
Giraffes.
They beautiful to look at, but hard to keep.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
5 Things Women Will Never Understand
Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it's annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they'll never understand...
Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling equipment is well documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like "professional" or "industrial strength," because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish fulfillment played out at a higher testosterone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with "operating theater quality air." I kept him away from my surgical steel steak knives.
Why we are so bad at shopping.
We've never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males -- which is why if you send a man out to get eggs, sugar and bread, you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of beer, a pair of jeans and a tree.
The reason why we don't like to discuss The Relationship.
Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations that start with questions like "Are you really happy?" and "Where do you see us going?" A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking about... "The Relationship."
Why we think we can fix things.
Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a little patience. In reality, we're only half right. Men are extremely good at taking things apart: whether it's a dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise usually leaves off, and we're mostly satisfied with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the kitchen table.
Men and video games.
Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy eyed, she will usually take this as evidence of an affair -- when it's more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making the rounds at the office.
Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling equipment is well documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like "professional" or "industrial strength," because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish fulfillment played out at a higher testosterone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with "operating theater quality air." I kept him away from my surgical steel steak knives.
Why we are so bad at shopping.
We've never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males -- which is why if you send a man out to get eggs, sugar and bread, you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of beer, a pair of jeans and a tree.
The reason why we don't like to discuss The Relationship.
Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations that start with questions like "Are you really happy?" and "Where do you see us going?" A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking about... "The Relationship."
Why we think we can fix things.
Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a little patience. In reality, we're only half right. Men are extremely good at taking things apart: whether it's a dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise usually leaves off, and we're mostly satisfied with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the kitchen table.
Men and video games.
Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy eyed, she will usually take this as evidence of an affair -- when it's more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making the rounds at the office.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Wedding Telegrams
The Bureau of Meteorology forcasts rainstorms so the bride can expect a few good inches overnight.
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch installments.
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
"Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.
Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She'll last for many years.
Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Travel Agency to Bride: The groom's face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
Football coach to bride: If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him off.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch installments.
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
"Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.
Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She'll last for many years.
Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Travel Agency to Bride: The groom's face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
Football coach to bride: If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him off.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
What are parents doing to protect teens online?
Recent headlines about the discovery and removal of 29,000 registered sex offenders on MySpace have added fuel to the fiery debate about the safety of online social networks.
In an article that ran today in the Washington Post, data from our "Teens, Privacy and Online Social Networks" report was cited in reference to the type of information teens disclose on their profiles. Hemanshu Nigam, a former federal prosecutor who is now the chief security officer for MySpace, was quoted in the article as saying, "Parents are our first line of defense, and we want to empower them"
So, what are parents doing to protect their teens online? Here's a quick snapshot of some of the technical and non-technical measures parents use:
* Overall, 85% say they have rules about the kind of personal information their child can share online.
* 74% say the computer their child uses is in a public place in the home.
* 65% say they check up on their child's internet use after they go online.
* 53% use some type of filtering software.
* 45% use some type of monitoring software.
For more information about the steps parents are taking, please click here.
Article Courtesy : Mary Madden
In an article that ran today in the Washington Post, data from our "Teens, Privacy and Online Social Networks" report was cited in reference to the type of information teens disclose on their profiles. Hemanshu Nigam, a former federal prosecutor who is now the chief security officer for MySpace, was quoted in the article as saying, "Parents are our first line of defense, and we want to empower them"
So, what are parents doing to protect their teens online? Here's a quick snapshot of some of the technical and non-technical measures parents use:
* Overall, 85% say they have rules about the kind of personal information their child can share online.
* 74% say the computer their child uses is in a public place in the home.
* 65% say they check up on their child's internet use after they go online.
* 53% use some type of filtering software.
* 45% use some type of monitoring software.
For more information about the steps parents are taking, please click here.
Article Courtesy : Mary Madden
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Are our relationships defined by our online habits?
Everyone has a friend or two who takes that much longer to respond to emails because they just don't ever check their accounts, who don't want to join social networks and who never pop up on IM and gTalk. What happens when you fall in love with someone like that?
A friend in a serious relationship has declared herself as "single" on Facebook, the social networking site, not because she isn't madly in love with her boyfriend, but because her boyfriend won't create a Facebook profile. As a compulsive Facebook user (she updates her picture weekly and has at least 5 new posts on her wall every day), many of her social and family ties are maintained through communications via Facebook. In not joining Facebook, her boyfriend misses a part of life that is important to her.
In a more extreme example, a recent Wall Street Journal story profiled a man who is married to two women; one in Second Life and an entirely separate woman in the real world. The article describes how the man logs onto Second Life so he can spend hours on walks and motorcycle rides with his Second Life wife while the food left for him by his real-life wife remains untouched and unnoticed.
It seems to be an intolerable situation for the non-cyber wife. There is no question that her husband is neglecting their relationship in favor of his online life. The article does not offer substantial reasons for why she does not attempt to join him in his online domain—perhaps she is just not interested in cyber worlds. In hindsight, it would have been good to know that her future husband had a consuming interest/passion (way of life) that she does not share.
Will we soon be living in a world bifurcated by those who live a life fully immersed in the communicative and expressive tools the online world has to offer and those who deliberately choose not to communicate in those spaces?
Article Courtesy : Alexandra Rankin Macgill
Friday, October 5, 2007
A good date
These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after the semester started they all had all gone out on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same time.
The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!
She said, "Now that is a good date !!"
The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!
She said, "Now that is a good date !!"
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